I tell you when I had my first child no one could have ever told me about the overwhelming feelings of love & joy that I would have. Bringing a little child into this world is a gift. A gift that is absolutely priceless. I also could never have imagined the guilt that follows every decision you make. Wondering if it was the right choice, if you did the right thing, should you have gotten that upset over something so small, should you have said NO when you said YES, should you have said YES when you said NO?????
The never ending questions and guilt that can overwhelm a mother is just as unimaginable. My brain tends to over think things and I know this so I really meditate on trying to stay grounded and focused on what I am dealing with at the time.
Currently, as I have been “blogging” about, (“blogging” such a funny word bloggy, blogging, funny right?) it has revolved around food, nutrition and diet.
So you know how people sometimes say. You learn something new everyday?
Well seriously, I can honestly say “I DO”.
Maybe, it is because I am such a nerd and I read everything. I mean if you say to me, “Pam, I read this book about …… and it really had good information about…… you should check it out”
You know what will happen? I will 9 ¾ out of 10 times do it. I will find something new to learn that I can apply to my life.
So when I get asked” how did you learn all that? How did you know that? Where did you learn to do that? I can say without hesitation, “I read about it and tried it out” or “Someone told me about it and I researched it and, wow, it really works” or “ Someone showed me and I actually listened to them”. Something along those lines.
I try to figure everything out all the time. I try to plan everything out all the time.
OK, wait, I think this is starting to sound a little like I am some kind of a control freak or a bit OCD. Maybe I am. I think maybe some may say that it runs in my genes a bit, Ha!
You know what ? That’s OK, because my intentions are all pure of heart and out of love and kindness always.
So now, back to my motherly guilt around the suffering of my children.
As I mentioned before, I have strived to be such a healthy mama. It is making me absolutely nuts that I have these two wonderful healthy eating children suffering over food!
FOOD, I mean no one could have ever told me that I would see this. So, the question,
" What the heck?"
Why are my kids having problems with food?”
“Well after talking in depth with 3 holistic Dr’s I think we may have hit the nail on the head.
Toxins! Yes, well aren’t we all exposed to toxins?
You’re darn right we are. They are all around us. So our bodies are everyday fighting and trying to filter them all thru our poor tired livers, sad livers, and our endocrine systems are taxed to the max.
Hey that kind of rhymes.
But, seriously, they are taxed, we are taxed, our poor human bodies and our poor children’s bodies are taxed. So what else gets added to the plate of toxins in my children’s life? Drum roll please………
A flippin demolition / remodel on our 30+year old home! H E double hockey sticks O!
Yes, here we are doing demolition on our 30+year old house the whole time living through and in it. We still had to walk thru the mess even when we were sleeping and bathing in our guest house, we still were eating around our table in the 40 degree temperature in our kitchen when we had no windows and had drafts blowing through the house and tossing all these tiny particles of God knows what into the air and into our lungs. Then our sad little livers had to find a way to deal. I don’t think the livers liked that very much.
So here we are stressed, tired and out of sorts in the middle of our remodel. Trying to still maintain our “normal” life as much as possible. Doing sports, school, friends, kids stuff, work, cook, eat, sleep, everything you do everyday amongst the chaos and toxic overload in our own home.
Well we might as well have had black mold (which we didn’t, trust me I had everything tested, I paid to have lots of toxic tests run to make sure my children would not be effected by things such as these).
So is it possible that I in some kind of way actually caused this problem without even thinking or knowing it? I think yes. I sad guilty Y E S!!!
What happens when you get too stressed? Too tired, run down, overloaded with toxins, don’t eat a healthy diet and consume too many GMO foods, do not enough fruit or vegetables?
It doesn’t matter what the reason or the cause it can happen to anyone, anytime and many of us don’t recognize it.
So now you have my ramble. I have to reflect and remember to be grateful that I was given the opportunity to fix this, to correct it and turn it around for my children before it caused something much bigger in their life.
So I just had to get it off my chest even if no one is reading my bloggy blog. I feel better, I really do ;)
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